*One Month*

October 22 was Jake's one month mark....I can't even believe it's been long enough!

He's still quite the cutie, and I'm amazed by how much he's changed already!

And oh yeah, the boy certainly knows how to scream, hahaha!!!

*Home*

This is Jake in his cute little "Going Home" outfit. I think it is absolutely adorable! The pants actually have a cute little frog face on the butt--I love it! The crazy thing is that he could barely fit into it. It was Newborn size, and it's a bit of a struggle to get over his large noggin and snap up, since he's so tall! Crazy, I never thought I would say that about a child of ours. Haha!
Luckily, after the trauma of the birth for both Jake and I, we were both doing so well that they told me we could go home a day early if we wanted to. Oh boy, do I?!!! So Friday evening we got all ready and headed out of the hospital! It's the most unique feeling to be going home from the hospital as a family of three. There's joy and fear and uncertainty and excitement and anxiety and love--so much LOVE! Even, maybe, a bit of sadness since you no longer can just care about you and your spouse, and whatever it is that you want to do together. You KNOW that is gone forever! In the car on the way home it all hit me like a ton of bricks, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. When you have worried that this day would possibly never come, and then it finally does, it's incredible, and I felt so grateful. I felt more loved by my Heavenly Father than I ever have, and so incredibly GRATEFUL for the opportunity to be a mom, and that He trusted me enough to have the job.

Mama Holly sent these gorgeous flowers to us. I couldn't believe it when they were delivered! I work in a flower shop, so I know how expensive this arrangement must have been...I never would have thought that something like this would ever be sent my way! They were absolutely beautiful, and everybody who came into the room would comment on them. If you've had a baby, you know that LOTS of people come through your room, telling you all kinds of random info and overloading your brain! So I heard lots of Ooohs and Aaahs about how beautiful they were....AND how beautiful Jake is. ;)

I have to say, that even though the birth didn't go anything at all like I wanted it to, I was more than pleased with the care I got at McKay-Dee. Every single nurse that I had (with the exception of the crazy one in labor and delivery who decided to sound the alarm that didn't need to be sounded) was so caring and sweet, and took care of me to a level that I didn't expect. They were so awesome, I would highly recommend this hospital if you're gonna have a baby! I actually decided to leave these flowers for the nurses to enjoy, because 1) I thought they deserved it and 2) the arrangement was just too big to transport! It was so awesome to have in the room though, it livened up the place SO much.

We got the little guy in his carseat, and I couldn't believe how tiny he looked in it! It seemed like there were too many buckles for his tiny little body to handle. My mom bundled him all up with blankies, since she is the master at bundling you up and making you feel comfortable. And then you could barely see him. Hahaha! By the way, we got the Chicco Keyfit 30 carseat, and let me tell you, it is INCREDIBLE. So easy to use, it would blow your mind!

We got home and I took him up to sleep in his little bassinett. He made that little thing look huge! He is just so precious....I'm still not over it!

This is a picture I took right before we gave him his first bath at home! I think we had been home a couple days at this point. The night before he had a total poop blow out, so the poor little poop monster needed a bath, really bad. This kid loves it when you get his cute little naked body in the warm water. He completely relaxes and goes into a trance-like state! It's so awesome. He's just like his mom in that sense. :)

So far being home with him has been challenging, yes, but so very fun. My mom was here almost all the time the first couple of weeks, and I'm so grateful. Matt had school and work responsibilities, so he couldn't be around to help me all the time. My mom filled in the gaps, and there were plenty, since I was so physically limited because of the c-section. I couldn't go anywhere without somebody else to help me, because I couldn't carry him in the carseat. I could barely get in and out of bed without help! So it was a challenge, but oh so very worth it!

Jake, we love you more than we ever thought was possible!! We are so glad to have you in our little family!!

*Silly Me*

I forgot to mention some very important things in my previous post...I blame it on sleep deprivation. ;) I'm honestly amazed I got most of the story up!
I failed to include that when they did the c-section, Jake was still really high in my uterus, and packed in there. I was told that there was a nurse on each side of me, pushing down on me with their fore-arms just under my ribs, trying to squish him out like the last bit of toothpaste. And if that isn't intense enough, the doctor actually had to use the fetchin VACUUM to get him out!!! Yeah, c-section AND vacuum....the poor kid really went through it to get here! Once he was out, he was purple and wouldn't breathe for about the first minute, so they had to put the breathing bag (hand compressor) on him and try to get him going that way. His initial Apgar score was only a 2. When it comes to this part of the story, I am oh so glad that I wasn't coherent for it! I would have been hysterical!! So while all the well-meaning comments about how c-section babies have nice lookin noggins are nice, they don't totally apply here because my poor boy has a ginormous goose egg on his head from the gosh dang vacuum. Yeah, you read right, I said the GOSH DANG VACUUM!! I know, I know, I'm such a potty mouth! ;)
Sorry I'm so dumb and forgot this part so it is it's own post, but it's kind of key info in the story, and I didn't want it to be undocumented. I hate how he had to be born, but I guess it gives me ammo for the rest of his life, that he thought he was so wonderful from the day he was born that he felt he should have a "special" birth....one that nobody else could say they had. haha!
But ya know, he really IS quite wonderful, so I won't argue with him. ;)
More pictures coming soon!!

*The Story...*

I need to get this story on here before I forget it all....since I'm lame and haven't even written it in my journal yet either! It's just one of those things that should be documented. Ya know? Anyway, so here it goes....

I found myself awake for no particular reason at 4 in the morning on September 21st. I remember laying there wondering what in the world had caused me to be awake....I didn't need to pee, which was strange, and usually that's the only reason for me to not be asleep at such an awful hour. Then I realized something.....No, I didn't need to pee, but there was definitely something going on..."down there." ......Holy crap, I think my water broke..... I then proceed to try and get out of bed without losing it on the bed. Funny the things that you can still be concerned about at such a time! After a warm shower to calm my nerves, Matt and I calmly took our time getting things together to go to the hospital. I called my mom to let her know what was going on so she could meet us there. It was about 8 in the morning when we finally left our house. After checking in to Labor and Delivery, and jumping through all of their hoops, we got to our room. I requested the one with the tub, because I was going to try to do it natural with the help of hypno birth, and I thought that relaxing in some warm water while breathing through those contractions would be real nice. We only got to be in the nice lavender room for a short time. My contractions weren't all that bad yet, so Matt and I decided to go on a little walk. When we made our way back by our room, one of the nurses asked me which room I was in, and said that the monitor that tracks the baby's heart rate was freakin out, so she needed me to go lay down for a bit so they could make sure he was ok. No big deal. Or so I thought. This nurse was little miss freak out. I guess she called the doctor and told her what she was going on, with all her doom and gloom perception, and so based on the info my doctor wanted some internal monitors and to get me on pitocin. This was at about 10:30. Yeah, I hadn't been there for very long at all! Of course, I couldn't see what all the fuss was about. I asked her why the hell I needed to have an internal monitor if the baby was clearly just fine. Luckily there was another nurse in there at this point, and she agreed that there was no reason for that yet. Then I asked if I absolutely had to start pitocin already. I mean, I had only been there for a couple hours! This was the crazy nurse's response: "Well, the doctor is insisting on that." My response? "Well, that's just fine, but I can insist too, and I don't want that crazy crap yet unless you can give me a better reason." The compromise was to start me at a really low dose. At a 2, or something like that. I was still way ticked I had it. Still am, honestly. Stupid nutty nurse!
That whole low dose idea didn't last very long. At one point I was up to 16. Usually I was at around 10 or 12. And it was making me have stupid contractions. They wouldn't go very high, but they would never go all the way back down, so I was in a constant clench that would rise in intensity, but would never totally go away. It was painful and it was exhausting! Unfortunately, they weren't getting high enough (barely!) to get me to progress any further. Can I tell you how bad that sucks to go through that and not get anywhere?!! There are no words.

On a positive note, Matt was absolutely fantastic. He was my coach, and would guide me through relaxation techniques and my breathing to get through the contractions. I honestly couldn't have done it without him! He was amazing. He was the only reason I wasn't crying and begging for an epidural just to make it all go away. And then there's my mom. She was what I guess you could call the assistant coach. She was the voice of experience and reason. And the voice of mom that says everything is ok and you actually believe it. She would rub my back and tell me I was doing awesome and when the contractions were easing. Between the two of them helping me, I could have done just about anything! We did this together for 8 hours. Yeah, I did yucky Pitocin contractions without pain meds for 8 hours! I'm kinda proud of that. :) That's when the nurse came in to check me and told me that I was at the exact same point that I was 8 hours ago. WHAT?!!! How the devil is that even possible?!! I don't know, but that was my reality. That's when I looked at Matt, cried, and said that I didn't think I could do it. How could I do 8 more hours of that and possibly not get anywhere again? The thought was too much to bear. Oh, I forgot that 2 hours before this, the doctor came in to check me and they decided that I still had a lot of water in there that wasn't allowing for Jake to drop down lower and get things going. So she got the little hooky jobby and really broke my water. And let me tell you, I had NO IDEA that there could be so much!! It just gushed and gushed and GUSHED!!! It actually surprised the doc. I guess I had a lot more than normal. When the anesthesiologist came in to give me an epidural, and they had me sit up, it started flowing like a faucet again. I was absolutely dumbfounded. The nurse was amazed. I don't know where it was all coming from! I asked the nurse if I actually had a baby in there, or if it was all just water! I really don't know how I had all that in there, PLUS a baby. It makes no sense to my brain. So once I had the epidural, we did seven more hours of labor. Yes, seven! at about 1:20 am I made the call to do a c-section, because I was basically flatlining on my contractions. My uterus was simply worn out. Once I said "ok" it all went really fast, and before I knew it they were wheeling me into surgery. I was royally freaked out. To say that pretty much everything that I didn't want to have happen was actually happening, is a total understatement. I was terrified and shaking uncontrollably. Matt had to hypno-relax me to get me to stop shaking! Then I could feel things still, so the anesthesiologist made the call to completely knock me out and send me to Pink Floyd land. So I was incoherent for the birth of my first child. And let me tell ya, that kinda sucks. But, I have a beautiful memory of Matt wheeling the little guy up to my bed, and me desperately trying to keep my eyes open and get them to focus so I could finally see my baby. There's no way to describe that moment. And it took my breath away how gorgeous he was. I couldn't imagine that THIS was my child! It was incredible. Even with everything that went wrong in my mind, it was absolutely incredible.
I'm so proud to be this boy's mom. It's an absolute privilege!